Stories

Page 5

• Grooming

  I was a Cub leader and became aware of the Venture Scout leaders behaviour over a long period. He was over familiar with the children, spending to much time with several individuals.
  He also approached my son for one on one kayak lessons.
  I decided to notify my area leader and nothing was done.
  He was found out to be having email conversations with an Explorer and when this came to light the association buried the issue and forced the individual out.
  I had enough of the association due to there negligence and left.
• Sexual Abuse

  I was groomed from age 12 and abused from age 13 by my scout leader, who was 20 years my senior. This was in 1993. He manipulated me into a highly intimate ‘friendship’, saying I was the only one who could understand and help him with his social and sexual issues. As a lonely and ‘gifted’ child I was an easy target, and I believed him.

  He was very highly respected in the local community and I didn’t feel able to tell anyone for fear of the reprecussions, for both of us. The abuse often happened during scouting activities, with him controlling/rewarding me with increased scouting responsibilities and perks beyond my years.

  It also frequently happened in private in his house, and gradually included dedicated camping trips away, for which I always owed him money. He got me a good part-time job with his company, also making him my boss and the source of my income – another level of control.

  He sexually abused me on a weekly basis for more than five years. I lied to my family and my friends about it the entire time. He was incredibly jealous and manipulative, repeatedly sabotaging any attempts I made to have normal teenage relationships, often by threatening to kill himself if I slept with anyone else. He even tried it, and I saved his life more than once.

  At one point he was arrested for possession of child pornography, but manipulated me into lying to defend him, and the police who interviewed me clearly had no safeguarding knowledge or training whatsoever. He got away with some small service in the community, who all still worshipped him. The Scouting Association were well aware of this issue, but he was simply ‘reprimanded’ for this ‘minor’ conviction, without them taking any further action.

  By this time, I was also helping to run the local scout group. I learnt that I was not the only one he abused. There were others before me, and afterwards. I know some of their names.

  I eventually escaped to university far away, so the frequency of the abuse reduced signficantly, although the intensity of his controlling behaivour took years to subside. I was left with deep psychological issues with trust and intimacy, which blighted many of my relationships and left me angry, lonely and miserable for many years.

  I eventually told someone my story at the age of 26, and the disclosure triggered a significant bout of ill mental health. I struggled with this, but gradually confided in a few more close friends, before eventually managing to go to the police at 33 years old. A thorough investigation followed, which required me to also disclose to my parents, siblings, and several ex-girlfriends – a traumatic experience in itself.

  My abuser was arrested, and his assets seized. The investigation dragged on for about a year, during which we contacted some of his other victims, but none were mentally healthy enough to come forward. I repeatedly told the police he was a suicide risk, with specific details on his preferred method. A few weeks before he would have been charged by the CPS, he killed himself, in exactly the manner I always said he would, therefore denying me any closure via justice. It took months of requests and effort to even get the CPS to tell me what they would have charged him with, and what the likely sentence would have been.

  As advised, I applied for and was granted an ‘award’ (awful terminology) by the Criminal Injury Compensation Authority, however, the award was the minimum possible because it was apparently clear from my good job and relatively functional life that “the abuse had not caused me signficant damage”. It was also made clear to me that if there was any way I could reclaim those funds via a civil case then I should do so, such that they could be used for ‘less fortunate’ innocent victims. I therefore approached some solicitors, and instigated a civil case.

  The Scouting Association claimed that my abusers actions had been nothing to do with their organisation, and argued that he alone was the responsible party. After much discussion and deliberation, my lawyers advised me that the case would be much more likely to succeed if it were not against the Scouting Association, but instead against my abuser’s estate. I grudgingly followed their advice, and the Scouting Association were therefore let off with no consequences whatsoever for allowing this to happen.

  The civil case was an entirely unpleasant affair that lasted almost five years, as my dead abuser’s family fought to retain his estate for themselves. It was eventually settled in my favour, but by the time all the lawyer fees, costs, insurances, etc. has been paid, the amount of damages I received was actually less than the CICA had awarded me – and they then insisted I had to pay that award back anyway, so I ended up out of pocket for trying to do the right thing. Just on my side of the case, the lawyers’ turnover was over three times larger than the damages i received .

  In the end I not only sufferred half a decade of abuse, but I was catastrophically let down by the Scouting Association, by the police, by the criminal justice system, and by the civil legal system, none of which are remotely fit for purpose in my opinion.

  However, without any credit to any of them, I’m now reasonably healthy and happy. I spent several years in some very challenging therapy, and have worked through the issues he left me. Although it didn’t go the way it should have done, I am proud to have made the hard decisions, stuck to my principles, and still be standing at the end of it all.

  If my story can help others, then I’m very happy to share it. I would perhaps even do so without anonymity, if that would be somehow useful. I regularly donate to NAPAC, and would volunteer to work with them, but I live abroad these days which makes it difficult.

  I sincerely hope that Yours In Scouting can have a positive effect on the Scouting Association, and their hopelessly inadequate safeguarding policies, so that more children don’t have to suffer. If there is more I can do to help the cause, then please let me know.
• Post 2014

  I started scouts when I was 12. I was a very shy and reserved child and one particular leader, man in his mid 50s, took me under his wing and made me feel much more at ease with joining the group.

  The grooming began pretty much immediately as he spoke to my parents regularly and formed a close bond with me and my family both in and outside of scouts. He used to give me lifts to various different scouting activities and would start with holding my hand, telling me I am pretty. It then started to get more sexual as he complimented me on my breasts and my behind. When I was 13 he would then take me on ‘dates’ at the local cafe and would give me money and ask I didn’t mention it to anyone. He would invite me round to his house where I would eat dinner with his wife and children as he rubbed my upper leg under the table. He would tell me about other women he was sleeping with and was extremely graphic about their sexual encounters. He made me watch pornography with him whilst we were in his car as he masturbated and made me touch myself in front of him, I was still only 13.

   

  The grooming and abuse continued as I carried on attending scouts. I had fallen in love with scouting, I loved sailing and I really enjoyed summer camps. I felt like I would be letting everyone down if I came out and told people about the abuse. When I was 15 I was a big tennis fan and was vocal with him about my love for Wimbledon. I told him it was always a dream of mine to go one year. Disguising it as a “scouts trip” He booked us a hotel room to go to Wimbledon just after my 16th birthday.

   

  Looking back, I can see exactly what was going to happen had I gone along with the trip. I met my boyfriend (now husband) 3 weeks before this trip was supposed to go ahead. I told him everything about my leader and he urged me to go to the police and the scouting association. It came as a shock to me as I was so unbelievably brainwashed I didn’t see anything wrong with his behaviour. To me, he was my friend and my parents trusted him so what could be wrong?

   

  The story gets worse as I remember sitting with the group leader and having him shake his head and tell me I must have got something wrong and there was no way that he would do this. He was eventually told to leave scouting, however, nearly 10 years on I regularly pass my old scout group and see his car parked out there. I just hope to god some other young girl hasn’t fallen in his trap.
• Post 2014

  I’d been in Scouting since I was 8 years old. It had become such an important part of my life, that as soon as I could, I become a young leader at age 14 with a Cub group while I attended Explorers.
  Upon joining, an adult leader quickly became attached to me and built a ‘friendship’. In hindsight I can see that be was clearly grooming me, buying me gifts etc. I told him I wasn’t comfortable talking outside of sessions but he just wouldn’t stop and made out that he’d be lonely and wouldn’t cope without me. I wanted to tell somebody but I was embarrassed as nothing particularly bad had happened and who could I even tell?? The entire group of leaders were all his family.
  Over a period of time, this escalated into sexual abuse and an abusive ‘relationship’. He’d meet me before and after meetings, as well as frequently taking me out to ‘support my mental health’. He became extremely controlling of me. I couldn’t leave else he’d threatened to kill himself/ tell the police.
  Other leaders were aware the rules were broken by him. Perhaps they were not aware of the extent to which they were, but regardless, they chose to do nothing.
  Eventually I reached out to my Explorer leader about what had been happening. Rather than taking it seriously, they told me to try and sort it out between us. They were friends with my abuser. My Explorer leader began to groom me too and would spend a lot of time with me, inviting me to their house. Once my abuser had started essentially stalking me, they finally encouraged me to go to the police.
  My Explorer leader did get removed from scouting after investigation. I’m aware that they did exactly the same to another girl a few years previously. Neither of us can say anything about it due to the hostility of the leader’s family.
  Which is the same with the family of my abuser. He got sent to prison. But despite that, I faced rumours stemming from grown adults blaming me for what happened.

  Scouts still have not completed their internal investigation.

  I have been left with PTSD from the trauma and such anger that Scouts have just ignored what happened to me in order to protect their leaders. It felt like a group of families just trying to protect each other while compromising the safety of the children in their care and it has to change.
• Sexual Abuse

  I was abused by a scout leader along with some other boys.

  I went to the police and nothing happened to start, more people then came forward and it went to court and he was arrested and put in jail. I went to the head of the scouts UK and the basic message from them was – we are very sorry. Nothing else was done.
• Post 2014

  I was a rainbow, a brownie and then a scout and onto explorers, and after a few years returning at 20 to be a leader at 2 explorer groups in my area.

  When I was 13 (a scout) and a part of the local scout show, a leader in his 20s also in the show offered to drive me and my younger brother to and from rehearsals, my parents were grateful of the help.

  I exchanged numbers with this adult, and it turned into him leaving anonymous flowers at my house, begging me to be his girlfriend – to which I refused – he started following me when I walked to school, intercepting me in the cut through between alotments just to ‘make sure I got there safe’ he would show up in his car after school and incist he gave me a lift home, if I refused he’d only follow along side in the car or park and walk with me. It only stopped when his girlfriend, a woman with his baby in her 20s found that he’d been texting me and confronted me, and I told her it was unsolicited it then stopped. We’ll call him ‘creeper’.

  My experience in explorers was great, we had a dynamic group of leaders, did lots of camps, I had lots of friends and made fabulous memories. One of our leaders at the time, probably in his mid 20s so approximately 10 years older than me, we will call ‘smokey’ because he is a heavy smoker.

  When I rejoined my old explorer group and another locally as a leader, the same team of leaders were running the explorer units, including smokey, and they were grateful for a female leader regularly for camps and such.

  On a camp with the explorers locally, only one tent was brought for the 4 leaders, with 2 pods. I wasn’t too bothered about having to share with a bloke…as planned to sleep in all my clothes anyway. That evening a few beers were had amongst the leaders, me included. I don’t fully remember what happened after this point, but I don’t recall having more that 2 drinks, (as a responsible adult on the trip why would I!?)

  I woke up the next morning, with a complete blank from the night before, I was alone in my pod, the sleeping bag was over me and I was trouserless, knickerless, and sticky…in the not cleaned up after being ejaculated into kind of way. I got dressed, and asked where smokey was, and he’d gone home for a shower, odd. I felt dizzy, and confused, and when smokey returned he offered to drive me home rather than stay and finish the hike with the explorers that day.

  For about 8 years, I kept this entirely to myself, I told family I’d ‘gotten too drunk’ and was hungover…..which was a laughing point in our family, ‘remember when she got drunk on a scout camp’ and this covered up the confusion.

  I continued to be a leader for a few months, avoiding smokey, however he called me occasionally in the early hours asking if I was free, I never answered.

  Creeper then joined our unit as a leader, I hadn’t seen him for 7 years, and avoided him, until he asked why I was ignoring him, I said what you did when I was a kid was wrong, and he brushed it off and got angry with me, saying I lead him on etc. It was that point I left scouts.

  I have moved to a new district, and I so want to go back as a leader, now 10 years on from smokey. I love what the scouts can do for young people, it’s a shame this experience is ruined for some.

  Smokey was after 2014, Creeper was before.
• Post 2014

  My husband was charged with physically assaulting my son, his stepson. I was a witness. A local Scout leader had my husband help out as a volunteer with the Scout group while on bail for child assault – and behaved inappropriately around the situation as regards believing my husband’s version of events etc. leading to an incident – where the Scout leader bullied me – which I later tried to report. But if your child isn’t in Scouts, it seems to be impossible to raise a concern or complaint. So the Scout leader carried on leading Scout groups.
• Sexual Abuse

  It is maybe too long ago to be relevant, except for saying that this is not a new problem, is a feature of our world, and needs to be treated as such, as is now normal in other organisations.

  I was a scout in the early 1960’s. Our scoutleader was known to have promoted favourites who he had sex with. He invited me to his flat once for tea to “get to know me better”, but I think decided that I would not be suitable. But I could name others who were not so lucky, two of whom left quite soon after, and a third whom I believe was very upset by it. No doubt there were more. And since it was common knowledge among the boys, I can’t believe that there was no awareness for the Group Leader, or other seniors.

  Too long ago for police action I would assume. I can’t imagine he is still in a position of authority. Chances are that he is dead (I guess at least 85 if not) and those whom he targeted would be over 70, like me.
• Sexual Abuse

  In 1964 I was the Troop Leader of a scout troop in ****. I loved scouting and enjoyed every aspect of my role which being a senior member meant mentoring the younger scouts. I was approached by a 12 year old boy who had been in my patrol who wanted to confide in me. The ASM had been taking him away in his car after scout meetings and sexually abusing him. The scout just wanted it to stop not get anyone into trouble. I reported my concerns to Skip, the scoutmaster. He said, ‘Leave it with me, I’ll deal with it.” And nothing happened. My young scout came back asking why he was still being abused (forced to have oral sex with the ASM in his car). Again I asked Skip to get it stopped. Again nothing. I resigned in disgust and have felt guilty ever since that I didn’t do more to protect my young scout.
• Post 2014

  My son was not sexually abused, he was bullied by one of the scout leaders and the membership secretary. She was the one who instigated the bullying but the other leader, or leaders were, more than happy to join in.

  The local association leader was absolutely rubbish at dealing with this and the bullying extended to our whole family from this. There was no point in complaining to them. So I had to complain to head office. It turned out that the membership secretary, was abusing her position in being in charge of the waiting list and there were a number of other complaints about needing to be nice to her to jump the waiting list to get in.

  The head office dealt with the complaint but did not follow their own procedures and, as a result of having complained, we were hounded out of the association.

  I was a guide movement member from when I was 6 yrs to when I was 30+ and did leadership as well as being a member. I was an outdoor activity leader with top roping and abseiling qualifications, mountain leadership, kayaking instructor and leader quals and offered all my expertise and leadership to the local group. I have also lead campfires and know many games, songs and skits. All this has been lost to the association due to the way my son was abused, and the scouts were rubbish at dealing with it, kicking out the abused not the abusers.